“Ewww! She loves herself, doesn’t she?!”

Beth Penfold

That was the ultimate weaponised snipe in secondary school.

Growing up, we were conditioned to believe that liking who you are meant you were vain, conceited, or had a “massive ego.” At my strict Catholic convent school, that kind of “prideful” behaviour wasn’t just frowned upon—it was treated as a character flaw.

Then you step into adulthood, walk past a group of men, and overhear: “She’s fit.” “Yeah, but she knows it, though.”

Since when did “knowing it” become a crime? Why are women taught to constantly perform for external approval, yet brutally penalised the moment they actually back themselves?

For high-achieving women, this conditioning runs deep. But if you are a neurodivergent woman, it goes a layer deeper.

The Heavy Toll of the Mask

When you spend decades navigating a world that wasn’t built for your brain, you learn to mask. You force yourself to sit still, mimic neurotypical social cues, suppress your traits, and hyper-vigilantly police your own behaviour just to fit in and avoid rejection.

Your unconscious mind watches all of this. It listens every time you’re told not to get “too big for your boots.”

To protect you from external criticism, your brain builds an internal warden. It’s an inner voice that stands there with arms folded, judging the absolute f*k out of you.
It tells you that you’re lazy when you’re actually in burnout. It screams that you’re a fraud because you don’t manage your time or your energy the way others do. It weaponises Rejection Sensitivity before anyone else can hurt you.

It thinks it’s keeping you safe. In reality, that internal criticism is ruining your life.

The Inner Frenemy vs. The Supportive Corner

Think about the worst boss, partner, or colleague you’ve ever had. Did their constant, unpredictable criticism make it easier or harder for you to succeed? It paralyzed you.

Now, think about that one rare, inspirational mentor. The person who saw your unique brilliance, accepted your quirks, and had your back completely. What were you able to achieve with them in your corner?

Liking yourself isn’t about vanity or ego. It’s simply about being on your own bloody team, instead of being the inner frenemy who constantly sticks their foot out to trip you up.

If your own worst enemy is living inside your head, it’s actually fantastic news. It means you have the power to do something about it. (Which is much easier than trying to fix Kev in Accounts, unless you have a black belt in kick-boxing and verbal put-downs).

Reclaim Your Clarity

You don’t need to try harder to fix the external symptoms. You don’t need to force your brain into rigid, neurotypical systems that cause you to crash.

You need to dismantle the unconscious patterns that tell you that who you are inherently isn’t enough.

But where to begin? Download my free strategy blueprint for 10 shifts you can make to protect your energy and reclaim your power, by being firmly on your own team

[https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qsbsFxozOPoOxCxAwAmIxrxTsPWNvgOV/view?usp=sharing]